What a fun time it is to be a sports fan: particularly a St. Louis sports fan.

The National Hockey League is gearing up for its annual Stanley Cup Marathon, and the St. Louis Blues currently have more points than any other team. The Major League Baseball season will open in a few days, and the St. Louis Cardinals have revamped their starting pitching and have acquired a former all-star outfielder and second baseman. The National Football League is preparing for its annual draft, and for the first time in several seasons, the St. Louis Rams will not have the sixth overall pick. The NCAA is preparing for the semi-final and final rounds of its Men and Women's basketball tournaments.

Really, this IS a fun time of the year, if you are a sports fan.

Yet, while all these events are going on around us, the recent attention of Gateway City sports media and fans has been directed to chorography. Yes, Dancing: NFL Style.

At its annual Spring Owners Meeting in Palm Springs, Florida, that rich and arrogant cartel better known as the National Football League announced that "orchestrated end zone celebrations by more than one player" is now taboo in league play. This means to the chagrin of Rams' fans, the ever popular, often imitated, but never duplicated "Bob and Weave" touchdown dance is now a punitive offense in the NFL.

Oh, the gall of it all!! Once again the No Fun League has thrown cold water on glitz and took the Rams with it. Conspiracy theorists throughout the Gateway City (including some television talking heads) are pointing fingers at the League office and at those teams the Rams defeated on their Super Bowl trek as the main culprits of this despicable decision.

(A side note: the NFL also agreed at this same meeting to continue the use of Instant Replay in its present form for the 2000 League Season. I mention this in the event it was overlooked during this Bob and Weave controversy.)

Callers to Sport Squawk Radio flooded the airwaves after the announcement with rage. To illustrate, it was the opinion of one of my WGNU callers that the Bob and Weave was a major factor in neutralizing race relations in the city of St. Louis during November, December, and January. (Really!)

To further illustrate that it must be a "major story", the headline of Wednesday March 29th Post Dispatch Sports Page dealt with the elimination of the Bob and Weave. To emphasize it even further, the paper's main football writer devoted a front-page column on this story, in lieu of the Blues, Cardinals and NCAA basketball.

I'm sorry; folks, but I just don't get it. Could someone please explain to me why the NFL's elimination of the Bob and Weave is a MAJOR sports story in our town?

As mentioned in this space in previous articles, I think the Rams' Bob and Weave stage performance is both silly and immature. I prefer watching professional football instead of a group of millionaires trying to dance.

Now before you start firing those e-mails to hussonwgnu@aol.com, I also think that the Dirty Bird, Lambeau Leap, Tomahawk Chop, punching goal posts, the Blues' Towel Man, and the Springfield, Missouri Sign Man are also silly and serve no tangible purpose. (The last two folks should really find different hobbies)

Perhaps I'm old fashion, but for some reason the greats of the NFL (Jim Brown, Walter Payton, Gale Sayers, Jerry Rice, Johnny Unitas and others,) did not get involved with this foolishness. Yet in our MTV, "Sports Center Is Next" society, such extra-circular non-football activities seem to get seen from sea to shining sea.

In reality, such touchdown celebrations are very, very irrelevant. Frankly, why this story is getting so much attention locally is a mystery to me. I will continue to report on the NFL games whether the players are allowed to dance or not. The survival or the demise of the Bob and Weave or other such selections is REALLY a non-event, in my opinion.

So, allow me to address both the owners of that rich and arrogant cartel better known as the National Football League and my colleagues in the local media on this major issue.

MEMO TO NFL OWNERS: Don't you really think there are more important matters to deal with in professional football than end-zone celebrations? Let's start with the players. Perhaps it's only me, but it seems that keeping your players out of jail would be a priority. Maybe the inferior and rapidly declining quality of your league's officiating should be a topic on your group's next country club/golf outing. Don't you think that the growing number of concussions and improvements to playing equipment take more priority than a pair of 250+ pound men wiggling on the field or jumping into the stands?

Your end-zone dance ruling has probably ended the NFL dreams of Gregory Hines, Mikhail Barishnykov or Buddy Ebsen. Still, I have to think (and hope) there are more vital topics to discuss for the overall betterment of your game.

MEMO TO MY LOCAL MEDIA COLLEAGUES: Friends, I am sorry but I just don't get it. Could someone please explain to me why an NFL end-zone touchdown celebration directive is so major a sport story that our town's only major daily newspaper devoted its sports page headline and a front-page story to it? And, why several television and radio stations reported on this story in the early (non Sports) portion of their daily newscasts? Could someone explain to me why even implying that there is an NFL conspiracy is even an issue to this (non) story?

Maybe I'm wrong, but aren't the Blues' schedule of four games in four and one-half days, a possible arm strain of Free Agent Pitcher Andy Benes, and the possible suspension of a Final Four player more important (and real) sport stories?

Hence, Boys and Girls, it is now official. According to that rich and arrogant cartel better known as the National Football League, one player may bob or weave or bob and weave during the 2000 season. However, more than one player shall be fined if they all bob or weave, or bob and weave.

The local media vows to continue its mission to report on such injustice and continued prejudice by the NFL against the city of St. Louis in general and the Rams in particular.

Well, faithful readers, I have now decided to focus my efforts to Baseball's Opening Day and its regular season, as well as the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and the NFL Draft.

Sorry, but I'll leave NFL chorography and other such vital sports topics to others.